Father, it hurts...

I remember when he sang "Jesus Loves Me" at the top of his lungs, when he diligently memorized verses from the scriptures, when he asked how to accept Jesus into his heart. I remember the smile on his face when he came up out of the baptismal pool.

I remember his learning to play his guitar so he could someday be a part of the worship band. What a joy to watch him worshiping You. I remember his stories of how you touched him at youth camps, his tears as he repented. I remember praising you for drawing him into Your Kingdom. I remember feeling he was "safe" now, because he was Yours.

What happened? What caused the shift in attitude? Why has he decided You aren't real and Christianity is just another name for "brainwashing"? When did human logic take the place of faith in his heart? So many things I don't understand.

How did we get to this place, and more importantly--where do I go from here?

The Bible teaches us that salvation belongs to the Lord, and I know in my heart that I never could and never will be able to "save" anyone. I believe (though I don't comprehend) in predestination, that before the foundation of the world You chose those who would inhabit Your kingdom. I know the scriptures declare that it is not Your will that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9--therefore, Lord, how do I pray?

The scriptures also say that Your hand is not shortened that You cannot save. When he was born I accepted the responsibility to teach him the way of salvation and of Your great love for him. I have shared all I know of You with him. I have heard it said, "God has no grandchildren--only children," therefore, having done all, I stand in Your presence waiting to see what You will do with Your child. At this point in his life it is between You and him. I put my trust in You.

Lord, help me get out of Your way as You deal with him.

I rest in the knowledge that nothing is hidden from You. You understand him even when he doesn't understand himself. Shut my mouth when I'm tempted to nag, when I'm tempted to plead. I don't want to become a stumbling block in Your path. Teach me how to love him unconditionally because the scriptures declare, "Love never fails". Teach me how to do spiritual warfare over him. Show me how to pull down those strongholds that are holding him captive to the lies of the enemy. Please flood his mind with TRUTH as in Your name I command the enemy to take his hands off his eyes and his fingers out of his ears. The scriptures declare that the TRUTH sets the captive free. May he both see and hear Your TRUTH and return to You. I know that the wisest thing I can ever do for him is to cling to You myself and listen for Your instructions.

You have bid me come and cast my cares on You, and this is the most painful thing in my life.

I take comfort in knowing Your love for him is far greater than mine and nothing is too hard for You. Therefore, like the father in the parable about the prodigal son, my eyes are looking for his return back from the pig sty, and I'm saving for a celebration. However long is necessary, I wait...and I love...and I believe....

I recognize that the only reason I can bring these requests before Your throne is because many years ago, You sought me out in your great love and reached for my hand--thank You, Father--thank You, Jesus--thank You, Holy Spirit. Amen!

With love from my chair at the Harvest Table,